Before a journey

 Before a long journey on my bicycle

A 3am rant from a adventure cyclist 

By Bill Poindexter 

I am always amazed by the fears that swell up before one of my expeditions. I become plagued by doubt and guilt-old friends. Questions like “is this a good decision” slap me hard, sort of an ongoing self check with a cacophony of the typical excuses: am I fit, enough money, work, my cats will miss me, what if’s rise like smoke and then everything starts to settle like leaves falling to the ground. It’s really my own fault, I don’t like to plan too much, I hate using gps, a vague map and directions from locals is really more my suit. “Where you going?” they, the curious, ask. “Northeast.” Is all I can return. I have always been that way as I have a strong intuitive understanding of direction and can figure where I am from the stars or moon or sun and if I get lost well, that’s a bonus because then fear will come out and play-we are dear old friends. 

My affairs are in order just in case. I say my good byes as though they are permanent just in case. I walk out my front door with my overloaded bike with 2-3 weeks worth of food so as to save money. Never been a saver, this trip is the bare bones I have ever done, I feel like a hobo getting ready to hop a train, this trip going to have to be creative and place myself in the hands of Humanity because I am one of the naive who believes in the goodness of the regular people and I need their help and I want to know their thoughts about what really matters in life, and right now in this time. I will be happy for stale bread and yesterday’s coffee. The universe is a big place and I am going to fling myself into it one mile at a time and learn what it has to offer and then know my self a little better. “But you have so much experience Bill, why is it hard for you?” I don’t really know, I am just human. I am not afraid of the  dangers of cycling on roads, or wild life, or weather, illness, bandits, camping alone, or being solo and broke. I guess the real fear comes from the long days on the bike, and delving into my own mind and seeing the bad and good and facing my truth head on-That terrifies me. But, my friend, this journey, more than any other will be the Hardest. There is no insurances, no money cushion, it is early spring along the final cusp of winter, and I still have my physical injuries;a fib, sciatica, bursitis, and more with the age of 60… Jesus how did that happen? I plan to take a few days to do a Vision Quest-a 3 day fast somewhere no one is around 

and most likely in a forest. It’s a time for past present and future to meet and figure my place in the universe…”Here lies the dead body of Billy P, better it be him and not me!” No, I should be fine. I love nature and most happy when sleeping on a patch of ground. I haven’t decided if I will tell this next story while I roll or wait until after. The story will be good.